There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
