Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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