I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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