It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
