He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Barsexuality is the new black.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
