I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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