I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
