I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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