I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
