she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
