I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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