i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
