the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sorry about my life...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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