his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
