hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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