Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
