What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
