this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
