She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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