My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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