dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
