Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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