The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I skipped work to stalk him.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
