I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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