screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
