it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
