I think my fart just growled at me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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