theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
