he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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