You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
