I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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