Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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