fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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