headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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