does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
