I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
