nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
