do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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