Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
