I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
