Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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