look no pants
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
