Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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