I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
