Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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