ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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