Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
