why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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