he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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