I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
