im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
