I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
