I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
