I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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