Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
