the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize