Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
