obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
