I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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