he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
