I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
