one might say we're banned from that church
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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