erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
