don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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