Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
