Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
