I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
