Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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