for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
