Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
