If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
