how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
