My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
