what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
