i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
