she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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