Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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