I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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