I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
