Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
