i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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