So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
