Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
